I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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