i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
