after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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