I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
