I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
