would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
