Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize