Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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