Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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