$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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