I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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