You smell like stripper and shame
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
