i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize