Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
