dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
