If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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