They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
