she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
