New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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