Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
