I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
