Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
