I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
