She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
