Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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