I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize