A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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