i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
