Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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