You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
