When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
