You work out of a Hotel?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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