So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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