I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
