I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
