my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize