perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
