Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
