How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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