oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
