You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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