Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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