in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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