weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
