So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you made out with another girl for some wings
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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