go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize