I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
