my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
