i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize