she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
