I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
