Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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