Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still dying that you shit outside
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
