You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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