I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
