It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
