put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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