We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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