if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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