Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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