Just cropdusted the office
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
