If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
