Who did Billy Mays play for?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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