Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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