Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We got so high we made milksteak
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
