Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
