make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We need to get me chipped asap
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
