just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
