Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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