You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize