you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
