You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
