I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
