i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
