if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize