lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
