Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
