living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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