Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
