honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
pray to the hookup gods
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
