Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
