so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
