Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
