Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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