At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk is a universal language darling
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
