I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
