I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
