Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Please, let me fuck your mom
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
