Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
