Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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