whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
