My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize