So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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