Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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