I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
