Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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