Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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