I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
