toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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