didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
