I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
