If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
