I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
