they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
