If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
