i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
