So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
