Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
