It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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