zippers are such a cool invention
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
