Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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