Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize